
blonde jokes
( these are not meant to discriminate blondes, they are meant for pure pleasure)
1. if santa clause and a smart blonde jump off a bridge, which one hits the water first? niether, they both dont exsist!
2. so there is this mirror that sucks in anyone who lies. a red head comes up to the mirror and says "i think i am the prettiest girl in the world" she got sucked in. then a burnet comes up to the mirror and she says "i think i am the smartest girl in the world" she got sucked in. then a blonde walks up to the mirror and says "i think...i think" and she got sucked in
3.
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."The second blondesaid,"No, those are elk tracks."The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it."Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"She says, "No, I'm really a blonde.""I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked."Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses.""We don't have any," replied the first blonde."Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden."But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again."There are no fish under the ice!!"Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"